Well I thought I might write something before the year ends and these happen to be my thoughts as the western calender year is ending.
I’m sitting here together with my mac book and thinking what will I write, the night time has come too quick and I’m awaiting my call of duty in delivery service. What have I delivered this year and will I continue to deliver in the next year?
At this point in time, almost exactly one year ago I was exploring the streets of Paris thinking the same thoughts. What have I done and what will I do?
There is so much stuff that fills the everyday… some days are intense, others are relaxed, but how do you gauge the productiveness or wastefulness of these days. The goal is to maximize efficiency and eliminate distractions. What helps me sleep at night is realizing that I’m strengthening that which truly matters and de-prioritizing stresses that don’t. At the end of the night you want to rest with peace in mind and that’s tough when you’re not sure or secure about anything. My biggest enemy is that I feel like a total ignoramus because I’m failing to support myself and that feeling of being a failure in society causes me anxiety. I’m following my intuitions but are they wrong? Ultimately, they leave me happy but in debt. Is it my fault or the systems fault? If I did not have my parents than I might be working more hours, playing less guitar and creating less things. But perhaps the role of an aspiring artist/musician hasn’t changed in the last few centuries. Maybe I will always need to rely on other people and sacrifice my precious time at low-wage places for these deep pleasures. These pleasures of mine that I hope one day will bear sweet fruits for everyone.
I recently received a post card from my mother aka my biggest supporter which had a touching paragraph written inside titled “the joy of everyday”. It serves as a reminder about the joys of being alive and is certainly something I don’t take for granted anymore. I think about all the days of agony that have filled my soul and they all dissipate in the face of joy. I’ve found joy, I know it and want to share it. Here’s the following text…
“Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy, and celebration. Hummingbirds open our eyes to the wonder of the world and inspire us to open our hearts to loved one and friends. Like a hummingbird, we aspire to hover and savor each moment as it passes, embrace all that life has to offer and to celebrate the joy of everyday. The hummingbird’s delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life’s sweetest creation.”
I don’t know where it’s from or who wrote it but the last line “laughter is life’s sweetest creation” is a nice sentiment. We all enjoy making others laugh. It has always felt like that was one of the best gifts one can share with another person. Make people laugh. I think that’ll be the goal this year as it has been since the beginning of my time.
Lastly, if I cease to exist on this planet in 2014, my wish would be for people to really love each other more. By love, I mean try to take care of one another so we can create a better reality for everyone. The homeless guy on the street, the handicapped person at the market, the unemployed immigrant, the socially challenged, these are all reflections of our present human condition and we should recognize them and take an action. It starts with “me” and taking an action that could potentially start a chain reaction. It’s better to roll the dice than not roll at all. Be the change you want to see in the world. Be totally selfish and give 100% of yourself to others.
On a more personal note… if we can get more personal than a blog/journal… I don’t know why I write.. I just do it because it feels good. I hope that if someone reads it that maybe a sentence or two will permeate a new idea in this world. In retrospect, maybe that’s the mission I’ve been following all along these 26 years. Create things that will create other things. Why it’s important? I don’t know. Maybe this is an attempt at justifying that I still have a soul to give. Or it’s just me rambling on in this crazy world wide web.